Why you should always friend-zone first

Based on personal experience

I have come to this conclusion based on my personal experience and I think you should to, just because I like telling people what to do.

Anyhoo, I say this because to be fair when you’re friends with a guy, you get to know them better, they aren’t really hiding much from you or trying to impress you, so they are their real self. Plus I think it’s cute when people transition from being friends to getting into a relationship, it’s healthier and it’s a nice story.

” He was my friend and now we are together” (this is where I saw awww that’s sweet and I make a little wish)

However , if you’re the type to automatically picture any boy that slides into your DM as bae…… I PITY YOU. You’ll easily fall for the wrong guy because they’ll sense desperation and they might take advantage of that

( oh that reminds me I’ll tell you a story about how I told this guy I liked him..blah blah blah)

Soooo now moving on to my personal experience with friend zoning . On many occasions where I’ve friend-zoned guys that “like” me, they start to become more open and start to tell me more things about them….because we are just friends right? So they tell me about how they have a girlfriend!!! Meanwhile before they gave me an impression they were single.

You find out more of the “real” them not the polished and clean version they gave when they saw you as GF material or thought they will date you .They also find out the real YOU. Which is good for both parties I guess.

Oh yeah did I tell you that one guy I friend-zoned told me he has a baby mum and two kids because I asked to honest. And another one told me the same after a while of friendship. ( Why me ?) Time usually tells….

Always ask questions, you should get an answer or at least a hint.

I find that where I’ve rushed things (relationships , fixing things like DIY ish) .. I inevitably crash and mess it up. So I’ve learnt to take things slow besides..

Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way( proverbs 19 vs 2). You didn’t think you were coming on my blog without reading bible verses did you?

“No no no no no”

So friend-zone it is. For ever and ever amen. I say this but I might meet someone I like and act stupid.

Ah well you live and you learn.

IJGBB: Public transport (Lagos)

Luckily I barely got stuck in traffic, only once I did on my way back from an American style house party I went with these guys. 
(Shout out to Frico baby, Abdul and Adeolu), I would talk about this in an upcoming post called “spotting eye candy and the failed kiss”.
I was actually rather lucky, because I have heard some horror stories about traffic and how people get stuck in traffic for about 5 hours, I’m not about that life. Even in England when the train is late by 10 mins I get pissed let alone traffic for 5 hours , I would have ripped all my hair out off my head.
Traffic was fairly smooth on road BUT on foot when I was walking through Ikorodu Agric , I swear Okada ( motorbike- public transport) nearly ran over my foot, it was so real ,I nearly got hit by a car as well but that’s another story on IJGBB. They don’t care if you like lose your toe , in lagos its everyone for themselves in traffic. 
There’s so much going on , it’s noisy and disorganised in the midst of it all people are hustling. I’m ashamed to say this but my uncle holds my hand -_- when I start panicking in the middle of the chaos just like 7 years ago. His friends made fun of me for this (wareva), “Dolapo, I saw someone holding a girl’s hand in Agric and I thought is that you? ”  

Travelling in this chaos became more of a concern when I heard one of my uncles co workers died after getting hit by a truck and we went to the mortuary on the same day (that’s also another story in IJGBB), it was a very reflective moment for me.
I also went on the BRT, the BRT is basically a blue bus, there’s just a single deck. It has its own bus stops, shelter and its clearly organised stops so you know all the stops. It has a neatly uniformed driver , payment collector and a ticket inspector. It has an AC, A TV, contactless and paper payment. Oh yes !! there was the occasionally debate about politics between the passengers as well. But I’d never join in, I rarely spoke on public transport because I didn’t want anyone to hear my accent and I don’t want any special attention , if I had to talk, I spoke Yoruba (my native language) .The BRT was so convenient and relaxing better than the london buses but the queue didn’t make sense to me ( there was a queue for standing and another for sitting, I reckon it should be first come first serve. one queue) but overall it’s organised to be fair , it made me think about Nigerias great potential.
Oh yeah let’s not forget the yellow buses, they should be the trademark for lagos transport. They’ve been around since I was born.

The yellow bus is just a regular bus with two black stripes and the typical Christian quote sticker on it. There’s a driver and a conductor who the collects money. 

The drivers ride rough , did they even get any training ? LOL, I swear the drivers think they are driving Hummers but it’s just a bus there’s only so much pot holes it can conquer. They love pot holes and maybe pot holes are just everywhere. They literally want to take up every pot hole rather than avoid and it just shakes the passengers up. One time I was in a Danfo and it was almost driving on its side and crossed a road really awkwardly. I remember once the lagos state Governor and his convoy drove past us whilst we were in a Danfo and a very interesting conversation started between the passengers( I wouldn’t go into details but your guess is most likely right).
There’s another double decker red bus as well, it’s an old bus , apparently it used to be the shit ( like the BRT) because of lack of maintainence, it’s just ugly now. I was looking for a different word to describe it but ugly suits it. Ugly and Jaga jaga (rough)

It made me think could this be the future of the BRT? ( oh no , I love the BRT).

Penultimately , there are the regular taxis as well. My aunty warned me about these, “if it’s old and raggedy you can take it , people don’t usually use classy cars as taxi” ,She said this so I wouldn’t get into a ‘one chance vehicle’ ( a kidnapping scam disguised as transport for public).
Last but not least we have the Keke-napep, by the way people don’t like walking in Lagos compared to London , I understood why really quickly when an Okada nearly ran over my foot ( no shit, I couldn’t believe it myself) also I didn’t feel safe walking on the side walks, it felt too risky.

  Keke Napep and Okadas (motorbikes) became my best friend because I’ll rather not have my toes crushed, although I’d prefer walking especially if it’s up to 20 mins away.

 Keke Napeps are basically tricycles with no doors , so it’s easy to get on and off. And it perfect for the weather , because cool breeze can come in through the doors as it gets really hot. I loved the thrill from Okada , it was felt dangerous almost sexy but I hoped I’ll be safe. I loved the bends and the wind in my hair, zooming past these slow bitches on four wheels and it was even more cool when you and someone else on a separate bike and we were going to the same destination . 

Once I remembered holding on to the driver and he asked why I was holding him in a very “let go of me” way LOL, I thought “I’m scared bro but I loved it”
Erm that’s it on transport , bye for now folks.

IJGBB: Holiday Romance 

“You and me could write a bad romance🎶”

Welllllllllll, he was cool and I was cool.
So we hit it off. But now he’s my ex so what does that say? I don’t know.
I’d rather not talk about him , so he doesn’t think I’m still in love with him. But I want to be a tad open about my IJGB experience.

We were talking for about 4 months before I came to Nigeria , we started talking via DMs on Insta. It was such a cool friendship ( I think we should have stayed friends, it’s not everyday relationship abeg)
I told him I was coming , he was so nice and planned my stay. Which was very cool he made the experience fun ;). We went to many places and he was always on time. This guy dropped me off at the airport, I mean looked after me. Guess something should be left as friendship.

my uncle liked him a lot, he always asked about him LOL. Then the guy asked me to be his girlfriend , so I changed title from friend to girlfriend.

It was a fun experience, to be honest he was cool. We explored Nigeria together , he drove me around. Shout out to him I reckon he still stalks me on insta, so if you’re reading this Mr O thank you. 

IJGBB:Unexpected guests( * heavy sigh*)

Oh gosh , I was no longer used to the unexpected guest ish, to be honest i don’t think it’s ideal to just turn up at someone’s house without letting them know. In England ,you tell people at least a day before turning up at their door step, unless it was really urgent. 

How can four grown men turn up at your house unannounced,Kilo fe fa? (what brings about this behaviour?), my uncle and aunty didn’t mind (which was admirable) but I did.
I guess if they just want to pop by and say hello , cool. But some actually came to eat LOL, my aunty would be making lunch for 3 and it will have to become lunch for 6 or 7. I’ll be watching TV or pressing phone ( I was a guest she didn’t want me in the kitchen), so I just enjoyed the guest experience while it lasted. Back to the matter, these uncles would just turn up to see my uncle on weekends , stay for long periods of time and patiently wait for the food because they can smell the aroma im the kitchen. I was not particularly pleased with this , but I still made them feel at home by smiling and chatting.
The cheek of it was when this guest uncle asked me to get him a drink in the kitchen while I was eating,” I was like, are you taking the piss because you’re older” (in my head ofc) I was obviously eating , he could see that.

(I was raised to respect my elders by my parents and co, my parents also thought it was wrong to send people on errands while eating , so there was about to be a trade off of morals)
 I said “pardon?” to give him enough time maybe he will rethink his request and not repeat what he just said (it’s an Essex skill ) and it will also give my uncle who was sitting next to him enough time to hear what he said and stop this fuckery. 

To be honest I would have gotten him the drink for respect sake but I just needed him to repeat himself. And I think he was trying to test me (are London kids rude?)
Much to my expectations my uncle said I wasn’t going anywhere because I’m eating (sticks tongue out at guest in my head olori nla (big head). Acting like a big man in someone else’s house. The cheek.
My favourite guest was this light skinned uncle , he had to stay with us because there was riots going on in his area ( many people died and were being displaced) , he was very handsome , funny and we spoke a lot. He was just that cool uncle. He bought me food and drinks, gave me money, very well educated. why would I not like him more than the other guests? I’m sure as a reader you now like him too. Am I right or right?

He had a very beautiful wife and we spoke to his wife on the phone together. 
I liked his person not like like just like, get your mind out of the gutter.

(IJBB continues)

Keeping up with Apple.

Apple X ? What’s next Apple Y or “Apple XOXO” (Terrible joke, I know) 

Apple leave us alone. 

( from £999?) Just leave us *guards bank account*


How much can you really buy? 

The most frustrating thing in life is to sign up to is being an Arsenal supporter(runs for cover), after that is being an Apple junkie who is bent on buying the latest device. it’s like running on a hamster wheel, you will keep chasing forever. 

How much can you really buy? Can you really keep up? If you can well done to you, send me some coins.
Hottest kid on the block

I’m sure every Apple user can relate, you buy the latest iPhone and you feel like you’re the shit. Apple will not even let your ‘hottest kid on the block’moment last for up to 3 months, they will release another iPhone that will reduce the value of the one you are currently using and push back one in the queue.
Please Upgrade

Now you’re left with the reduced value iPhone and if Apple wants to make you upgrade “the latest IOS cannot be downloaded on your device”

To be honest if this happens to you, please upgrade. If you can… see what they make us do?! But deep down, we all have a special place in our heart for Apple, love for Apple doesn’t come cheap . ( Love does cost a thing Mrs Lopez) 

“This accessory may not be supported by this device”

You really cannot by-pass Apple , it’s a great business strategy (exclusivity) and it will keep the profit within Apple. What I mean by that is “this accessory may not be supported by this device” ( if you know you know), I have learnt to no longer waste my time buying a substitute charger and to buy from Apple instead because I’ll just be wasting my money , it’s best I save the trouble and buy an original charger.

 However, when I buy accessories such as a charger (that’s not from Apple), it only lasts for about a week or two. It was almost a challenge to see how long it will last before that heartbreaking sentence appears on my screen. 


Will I buy the iPhone X?

Hmm, the question is ‘who will buy it for me?’ I’m not really one to stress myself with keeping up appearances, I don’t have the energy and I’m very shameless. So I don’t think I’ll buy it as at now. I can but I won’t,I have other pressing priorities like rent. 
Friend’s promise 

My friend actually promised to buy it for me (I know I was quite surprised) but I tagged him in a post on Instagram with the picture of iPhone launch….he still hasn’t replied and that was a few days ago… Awkwaaarrrrd.

Fenty beauty: The hype review.

I’m sure you’ve heard about Rihanna’s new make up line called Fenty beauty. You must have heard of it even men are tweeting about it.

Inclusivity 

According to beauty bloggers it’s giving them “life” and it’s very inclusive because it has foundations for everyone, from pale to dark dark. 
The bloggers seem particularly in love with the highlight and foundation. To be honest, Rihanna’s make up is alwayssssss on point. But has she always been using Fenty though? is it Fenty that gives her that glow ? Or is she just buff?


Sephora Launch 

Moving on, I’ve not tried it but there was a launch in Sephora and that store is expensive. It kind of gives me an idea of the price range , it’s definitely not going to be superdrug price. 

Just afraid to hate it 

I’ve not watched any video reviews on it per say, but I have seen bloggers post their thoughts on it. They all seem to love it, or maybe they are just afraid to hate it because everyone loves it.
MAC or Fenty


I’m not the type to jump unto hypes, I will hear about trends but I don’t buy into them immediately and some of you might be like that too. However, I’ve been trying to get a new foundation. I’m currently on a quest for the perfect match, so it seems like Fenty came right on time but it’s expensive. I was a MAC user (good match) until it dawned on me that I can’t keep up this expensive lifestyle (£22 on foundation and it’s not much quantity). I’ve been trying drugstore brands like Maybelline,Rimmel but they aren’t amazing. I want something flawless. I heard Estée Lauder is good too, also expensive. I guess high quality will forever be tied to a high price. To whom much is given, much is expected.
To buy or not to buy 

I don’t know if I’ll buy Fenty, if it gives me that flawlessness when I try tester then maybe I just might, but what if it’s crap? We won’t even be able to condemn it publicly without the backlash because it’s so popular. I will actually, if I’m bothered to try it. 

 

Requested: “Ladies limit your shakara”

Shakara means playing hard to get

This blogpost was requested by someone who thinks I’m doing shakara for him.

“I want you to do a blogpost about shakara limit” , he said.

“Sure”

I’m going to switch up the request and change it to ‘3 reasons why ladies play hard to get (shakara)’, that way it’s clearer and easier to read.

1. Simplest answer : She is not interested. The easiest way to figure she’s not interested is when she ignores your messages consistently . Up to 20mins late reply is fine , but if it’s like 1hr or more and she does this almost all the time. Bruhh, she’s not interested. If my crush messages me my heart goes “skraa pap pap ka ka…” and I’ll reply ASAP. She can also say to you “I’m not interested”

2. A woman has to play hard to get. It’s the society game. We are meant to be chased and when we are chased we play hard to get. It’s the rule , don’t hate the player hate the game. If you catch us too easily, you won’t even like it or feel fulfilled. Humans tend to value what they spent a hard time getting. For example, the money you worked hard to earn the way you spend it is different from the money someone gives to you.
3. She has been too friendly in the past and she was taken for a mug ( granted), so she’s just taking her time. Until further notice.

Happy now ? LOL

IJGBB: Iya Oni biscuit ( The biscuit/confectionary seller)

Most Nigerian streets have corner shops where you can get  sweets, biscuits and toiletries. They are life savers, not all heroes come in capes, some stand in kiosks. if you needed anything urgently , they are a few minutes away from your doorstep. Some of them even seller peppers and tomatoes. 

The closest shop to where I stayed (okay maybe not the closest) was owned by this grandma,  she was my favourite seller. I’d walk further away from home, past the closer shops  just to go to her shop. You will know why in a second. Just keep reading. 

“Mama the Mama”


She was at least 60 years old and she spoke about sex a lot , when I went to her shop to buy anything. She’d talk about her experience, she’d use sexual innuendos and jokes, even while my aunty was there. She was shockingly entertaining and she had excellent marketing skills as well as customer service.
The first time she was talking to me about sex , I was like nah maybe it’s just my mind, she can’t go there. When she elaborated on what she was saying , I was like “mama the mama” (in my head) .She was hilarious.
I bought a lolly pop

Imagine the conversation the day I bought a lolly pop, it was very much. I was just laughing and forming innocent (because I am) , it was an awkward heavily one way conversation but I was really entertained.

Me : Eku iro le ma mofe ra sweet ( good evening Ma I want to buy sweets)
Her : Iru ewo lo fe ( what one do you want?)

Me : Lolly pop ma 

Her : Ehn ehn (really ?) Eyi ti eman fi enu gbe yen ( the one you suck)

Me : *laughs* yes Ma 

Her : Oda ki eyan fi enu gbe nkan, agaga ti awon okunrin ( its important to use your mouth, especially for the male organs)

Me : *shocked, but I liked that shock factor* okay Ma 

She was a cool grandma, although she was old she ran her own business and her marketing skills were on a hundred.

Oya jo bi mummy wo 💁🏾🙌🏼 

5 ways to negotiate prices …..without taking the piss.

If you want to save money when shopping read this. Unless being broke is a joke to you:

Are you still reading ? 
If yes , you are smart. I respect that.

If you plan to stop reading ,  please comment your name for my bank details .. send me some coins. 

Now there are certain places you can do this. What I mean is certain businesses are more flexible than others. 

For example ,a one man business (sole trader) is way more flexible than a huge organisation ( PLC/LTD), where many people’s interest need to be considered and it’s bureaucratic (rigid systems).

However, you can get to a position where you can negotiate with PLC/LTD is bulk buying/business deals, after all ‘owo lon so ro’ ( money talks).

I’ll assume you want to save money since you read this far. So let’s dig in hunny.
1. Be friendly from the start. The nicer you are , the more people are willing to be nice in return. ( it’s the rule of exchange)

2. Know your reasonable budget and be fair It’s a business, don’t let your greed cut someone too short.

3. Also make sure you’ve seen other similar items prices.So you know what your limit is.

4. Find a wish in the item, nothing is perfect. Don’t fully condemn. Here’s a scenario:

*you see a red bag* 

You: Lovely bag wish it came in black

If the business owner says “it does come in black”
Hmm this is where you are on your own because you played yourself, say something rare like turquoise with a silver strap.But you get the gist( the message)

5. Complain you’re broke, so they’ll pity you. *warning not everyone cares about your bank balance* 

Slowly  come at them with your price, don’t take the piss. 
Another warning : Do not try this with my food business, don’t bite the finger that feeds you. I mean this literally LOL. I taught you these tricks darling

 

Unwanted guest at Ted-ex: God and science collaborate to bring you the end times.

*Makes grand entrance by stepping out of a tornado and staggers onto Ted-ex stage*

TEDx1

Introduction

Hi there, I’m the end times.

My author is God and my sponsor is global warming. They’ve spoken about me in a book called the Bible, I’m here but people would rather not believe it because it’s suits them not to. Plus if I were them I wouldn’t want to believe it either because during me is the fear of the unknown ( when Jesus comes where would I be?…. on earth or in the clouds)

Shall I proceed to tell you more about myself or are you scared?

I will, so if you notice right now the Earth is acting up, the weather in England is a mess (oh it’s always been you say ) and there are floods everywhere. I almost forgot to mention… the wild fires( oh there are always wild fires you say). But have they happened one after the other, everyday…No? didn’t think so.

Oh news just in, an inactive volcano just  become active.  Shall I proceed to the hurricanes? don’t worry I won’t I’m sure you already know. I mean social media won’t let you rest and it’s not “fake news”.

200_s

People who don’t believe in God would say “oh it’s only global warming ” and even people who believe in God would dismiss the apparent fact i’m here because of the fear of the unknown. I’m here to stay darling.
Actually one more fact about me. During my times as stated in the Bible, people would become lovers of themselves. Gurllllllll you ain’t deaf on social media , these days everyone is saying : love yourself , love you , I love me, love yourself first….. ah give me a rest.

How to get rid of me ?

You can’t , I’m here to stay before he comes. I’m here to stay and I think I’ve just started. Right heaven? *looks up and waits for response* yes I’ve just started they said.

Since you can’t get rid of me, what can you do? I mean I’m here to stay , so make me feel at home but just so you’re not a victim of my craziness and wild errands . I’ll give you a remedy and Dolly take notes too.

Pen and paper 
Right, grab your pen and paper. Don’t say I didn’t tell you. Give your life to Christ properly , even if you don’t want to. Just do it, you have a lot to gain and your worldly freedom to lose. Worldly freedom is overrated, if you really think about it. Also get to know God more and pray. Dolly are you listening?
*Heaven rings the bell*
Ah man , I have to go now. That was my call , I have more disasters to cause. Don’t you dare call it global warming! I’m kidding it is but it’s all meant to happen, it’s part of the times. And my authors words must surely come to pass, to be fair your actions are a catalyst to his words.

Muhahahaha, I’m here to stay. Until he comes, the devil knows I’m here so he’s after you all in full spee…I’m talking too much. Bye for now, just kidding I’m still here.

I’m off

*steps back into tornado and twirls away*

 

The guy on the train: I went to the wrong venue for church but I met my spec on the train.

Could this be the work of the devil ? LOL

I was running late for church (I got to church eventually and found out we switched venue for today 😦 ). It was my fault to be honest.

I wore the wrong shoes for someone who was in a hurry and running late but it was too late to turn back and change them.Being in pain with 6 inches and running, is not the one. I finally got to the station and rushed to the ticket machine and started topping up my Oyster card (travel card) but I noticed someone hovering around me, he kept switching from machine to machine. I thought “hmm what’s up?” But I thought maybe he kept going to the wrong machine.

Whilst topping up my oyster I was looking at him with my stretched side eyes, I might be wrong but I think he’s trying to get my attention, he kept looking at me. Maybe it’s all in my head I thought.

The truth is because he was my spec , I didn’t really want any conversation. I’ve always had a feeling my specs probably “ain’t shit”, I’ve been with my spec before and because I was carried away by looks, so it took me a while to realised his character was whack.

Anyhoo, I walked towards the train platform and took an escalator in the  downward direction because the train was underground, I could sense him behind me , kinda following me.
When I got to the right platform , I walked to the far end. He followed. The train came and the door opened , he followed me through same door. I sat down and he sat right in front of me. I was right.

“Is this the right train to Stratford” he asked
“Hmm I’m not sure , have you checked the route planner? ” I replied.
“Ermm (inaudible words followed)”
“I’m Taiwo”
“I’m Dolapo”

Oh my gosh I was actually going to have that romantic train conversation scenario I saw in an advert called the girl on the platform/train.


I was enjoying the experience and our conversation flowed but I wasn’t sure if I wanted it to lead anywhere outside friendship. Friendzone first.

But its an experience I’ve longed for: a guy and a lady who met on the train and the story continues.

To be continued.